LONG TIME! AGAIN!

Hey everyone!  I have been MIA because life is hectic.

The new job (well not that new anymore, going on 5 months!) has really thrown our family for a loop.  I think the children.. well mostly my oldest who is almost 4, are having a hard time adjusting.  We’ve been dealing with more temper tantrums and refusing to get dressed/wear underwear/buckle her car seat/go to the bathroom/wash her hands… you get the picture.

Up until last week I had been keeping up with my 3-4 nights a week workouts.  My mother in law gave me a fit bit that she had gotten because she felt the technology was over head (I think she doesn’t give herself enough credit, but I’ll take it) so that’s been interesting to track my steps (I had been severely underestimating how much I walk at work) and monitor my sleep.

The reasons (cough, excuses) for not doing my workouts include:

-body has been hurting, especially my left knee and lower back/hips

-wanting/needing to see my child before she falls asleep

-more sleep

I talked to my chiropractor this week about diet and she is going to have some plans for me when I see her in 2 weeks.  She is also sending me for blood work to check things like my adrenals, thyroid, metabolic panel and complete blood count, among others.  We’ll see how it goes.

 

 

 

Update

Once again, it’s been a few weeks since my last post.

Once again, it’s not because I fell off the wagon but because I’ve been driving that damn wagon!

I’ve been keeping busy with work, working out, and parenting.

I’ve still been getting to the gym at least 3 times a week.  There was a night last week where I was just so exhausted.  I ended up not going to bed any earlier than  usual but because I hadn’t worked out I fell to sleep faster and then I was able to sleep in because it was a Saturday so my husband got up with the kids.  The 1-2 extra hours of sleep did the trick.  Then tonight I was able to connect with some of my co workers from my previous job who I miss so much!

I haven’t changed my nutrition at all, in fact it may have gotten a little lax compared to previous weeks.  My chiropractor had suggested the ketogenic diet to me when I was pregnant with my last child so I may seek her assistance in getting started.  At the time I said something along the lines of, “I know what I have to do, I just have a hard time doing it.”  She was judgments free and suggested it might be easier to have someone setting it all up for me (she and her husband also do nutritional things out of their office).

I tried some new machines.  One night there was no one in the gym for once so I felt comfortable to hop on a couple things for a minute or two.  I like one of the elliptical type machines so I have been using that.  Some nights when I’m tired I only do 20 minutes but I always work up a sweat.  I like lifting better than cardio so I always make sure to do my arm routine.

I think I have noticed more definition in my arms, but I never took before pictures!

I’ve been wanting to add more yoga and stretching to the mix; I loved yoga from the first time I tried it.  This same line of videos on youtube has yoga one that I am hoping to try out in the next week.  Hopefully it doesn’t take me a month to update about it!

NSV

Those in the fitness and nutrition arena will be familiar with NSV.  I did not know until recently that it means Non Scale Victory.

Because I haven’t focused on nutrition I haven’t lost any weight.  Well, 2lbs.

However, there have been other advances.

Today I jogged for 4 minutes twice.  I’ve been semi-following a couch to 5k program I found on Pinterest where you alternate between walking and jogging.  I have been taking more days with each interval than it calls for but today I walked for 5 minutes, jogged for 4, walked for 5, jogged for 4, then walked for 5.  For me it’s a big deal.

I’ve been less winded at work when walking through the hallways and talking to patients.

My body doesn’t hate me as much–I’m able to move, bend, twist easier.

My shoulder that’s been hurting me since I painted three ceilings in my house when pregnant 2 years ago doesn’t hurt as much and has more range of motion.  In fact my entire body has more range of motion than in recent memory.

I feel like I am standing straighter, keeping my back straight (core strength or feeling good about myself?  Maybe both).

Weight is not the be all end all.  There are other ways you can mark your progress than numbers on the scale!

 

hello beautiful

Well here I am after how long?? I can’t even.  Lots has changed since the last post but here I am again, hopeful to stay accountable to my few followers out there and maybe some new ones.  This time around I’m just doing the old fashioned thing of exercising watching my intake a little better.  I was inspired by finding this freaking fantastic woman on Instagram who I can’t even comprehend what she has accomplished in two years!  If you want to see/follow/be inspired by someone who never gave up and has transformed her life, check out Lexi at Fatgirlfedup on Instagram.  I wish I could attach a link, but at this time I cannot, I will figure it out soon!

So as to not make this post a zillion words long, here are some updates on what’s going on over here on my end.

-I have two daughters AB and EB 3.5 and 15mo respectively

-I just started a new job at a new hospital but it’s my dream job with some different  hours than I’ve been working the past 10 years!  I left overnights (7pm-7am) and now work evenings (today (2/16) is my first day off orientation, I’m working 11am-830p; I did days 7-430 for 6 weeks).

-I am the heaviest I’ve ever been, clocking in somewhere around 312lb

-at the new job there is a gym!  Open 24 hours.  2/16 was the first night I went after work.

this is my face finding out that there were way more people at the gym at 830 than I expected.  I didn’t feel comfortable messing around with the weight training machines in front of people so I did 30 minutes walking on the treadmill.  it’s something!

Obviously

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that I failed once again to stay on the “diet” wagon or uphold my “new lifestyle.”  To make matters worse, I’m pretty sure I’m back up to my original weight from when I started the PINK method last March; I refuse to weight myself right now.  Then the nail in the coffin was hammered in by my almost 4 year old nephew who said, “you’re fat.”  I was upset, but not at him.  As a four year old, he doesn’t have a filter; her reports what he sees: I’m fat.  My sister (one of his aunts) said “everyone is different” and I told him that it’s not a nice thing to say to someone.  He didn’t understand why I was upset, but knew that I was.  Later, he repeated the sentiment saying, “I won’t call you fat again,” and I told him, “that is a very good observation, but it’s not a nice thing to say to someone.”  He still didn’t understand because for a third (maybe even fourth time) this conversation took place:

K- Sara?

S-Yes K?

K-Everyone is different right?

S-yes, everyone is different

K-you’re fat and I’m not.

S-yes.

Or something to that affect.  This time I didn’t make a big deal about it, I just got my hug and kiss goodbye and left (we were already planning on leaving at that moment).

But I got to thinking about it; he’s not wrong, so why make him apologize?  He wasn’t using it in a mean way, he was just making an observation, as children do.  Telling him that it’s not a nice thing to say might lead him to use it later in life in a mean way.  Why make a negative connotation now early in his life with the word “fat?”  We, as adults, impart on those young minds that fat is bad.  And while health wise, fat isn’t the best, people can still lead happy, some-what healthy lives.  People who are large can still love their bodies, knowing how it works and what looks best on them.  It is our negativity that they pick up on.  I also got to thinking about how he knows that word.  I’m sure he’s heard his mother  say it in regards to herself (after baby, because she has never in her life been “fat” in the traditional sense) and maybe about others (me?).  That thought led to my decision to stop using the word.  At least in speech, obviously, as my blog has “fat” in the name (which I’ve tried thinking of a new name but I have come up empty).  I will try, for my children’s sake, to not use it in front of them.  If they never know the word then they can’t use it against others as a bad thing.  I’m sure once they enter school the game is over, but I can at least not use it at home.  Plus, it relates back to the law of attractions–think fat, you get fat.  So I need to work on thinking skinny, exercising and eating better.

Today I had egg whites with cheese wrapped in a tortilla for a makeshift breakfast burrito.  For lunch I had made a concoction from black beans, pinto beans, olive oil, salt, pepper, garlic powder, onion powder, grape tomatoes, and fresh basil from my herb garden.  I put some of it over a bed of lettuce from our veggie garden.  I’ve got some chicken in the fridge marinating in olive oil, fresh basil and oregano, and some garlic for dinner and lunches for work this week, as well as some tri tip steak (with fresh sage and salt).  While these are recipes from a health book, I know that the ingredients are healthful and that’s all I’m going for at this point.  No program (yet) just trying to make better decisions.

The next time my nephew sees me, I don’t want him to make the same observation.

Weekend

Just a quickie to say that the weekend was bad, but not as bad as it could be.  More later, time for bed 🙂

No title

As you may have guessed by lack of posts alone, the biggest loser competition at work did not go so well for me.  It will be three months tomorrow and I gained weight from my starting point.  I just pretty much did nothing.  I ate the way I wanted and did no exercise.  I once again find myself having to say “I just can’t find my inspiration or motivation like I did the first time around.”

But, no more of that.  No more dwelling on past miss steps, there have been plenty.  No more “well last time I did this, or felt this.”  Moving on ward and upward.

I’m not going to talk about what I plan to do, I am going to take it day by day.  Again.  I have to set forth the intention EVERY DAY, not just “at the beginning of the diet” because it’s not a diet.  It has to be a complete life style overhaul.  I know this; I’ve known this.

I just got done making a bunch of food to eat during my work week.  I prepared a couple of protein dishes (beef patty, steak, chicken, salmon) and a few veggie ones (cauliflower and carrot soup, rainbow salad).  I have somewhat of plan, in terms of what to eat on each day because when you work the hours I do, your day has little time left for much else other than sleep.  Speaking of which, goodnight!

It’s not a new idea

I still haven’t come up with the perfect way to define what it is I’m trying to convey.  I just need to share.  Once you discover this way of life, this way of thinking, all you want to do is tell everyone you know.  You want everyone to share in the joy you have found.  In the power you have found.  Therein lies the ultimate benefit — the power.  The power to control your own life.  Your own thoughts.  The power does not lie outside yourself it lies within, which is something I always thought but had trouble putting into practice.

I think I had touched on it briefly a few months ago when I was doing really well with the program and my husband was applying the techniques to his own thoughts.  Then, like I said, for what ever reason we both fell off track, letting the negative and bad thoughts rein for a few months.  I had a few posts about how positive I felt and how well I felt in all aspects of life.  I realized the power then, but I had gotten the information second hand (from the hubs) and not from my own readings or ponderings.

The Secret, the Law of Attractions, has been around for centuries.  It’s not a new concept.  Plato, Shakespeare, Einstein, Buddha — they all knew the power of our thoughts.  They knew, that as animals with the ability of higher level, conscious thought, we had the power to attract unto ourselves anything we desire–anything we think.  “All we are is a result of what we have thought” – Buddha.  I’ve had a magnent for YEARS that says this.  When I was a teenager, oh 11 or so years ago, I worked at Spencer Gifts, a novelty shop that sold an assortment of things that one never really needs, but are funny or interesting or cool.  I obtained this magnet from that store because I liked what it said without ever really understanding it.  Tonight, when I came to work and read my magnet, as I do every night when I come to work; I couldn’t believe I hadn’t realized it before.  That it is the secret!  I knew it all along, but just never fully grasped it.

Everything has been clicking.  Everything has been falling in to place.  Every new piece of information I pick up relates to an original thought: I want to learn more about this.  I want to be healthy.  I want to be happy.

So things keep coming up.  First, I order the new cook book from Cynthia Pasquella the creator of P.I.N.K. Method called the Hungry Hottie.  As I’m reading, she mentions the book The China Study (why other countries are healthier; ie plant based nutrition).  She also endorses herself as a Transformational Nutritionist, something she has created.  She talks of science and how food and people emit frequencies — fresh, plant-based, unprocessed foods emit a higher frequency.

Next, we venture out to Buffalo to visit my father in law and his girlfriend for our exchange of gifts.  My father in law has a lot of books that my husband raided the last time he went over to visit [without me].  This time, my husband involved me in his raid and guess what I found?  The China Study.  I also found another book I have wanted to read since it first came out: The Natural Cures “They” don’t want you to know about by Kevin Trudeau.  I’m only a few chapters in and it’s eye opening (and some stuff I already knew, but not to that extent).  Those are the only two books I borrowed.  On the other hand, my husband took a tall stack, including The Secret (book on CD), and another Law of Attraction CD compilation by a husband-wife duo who claim to be in touch with sentient higher beings.

I think that’s where I will leave you at today folks.  Tune in next time to find out more about the sentient higher beings!  Now, you may be thinking, “WTF?  I thought this was a blog about weight loss?”  Well, it is.  It will all relate.  Mostly because I want it to relate, but also because I’ve come to realize that in order to really get at the heart of weight loss there has to be spiritual work in addition to the physical.  I’ve read it before and thought it was a bunch of hooey, but now as I live it, I know it to be true for me, it can be for you too.

 

–I wrote this entry Saturday overnight shift at work.  I’m editing Monday morning and posting.  I want to clarify that I’ve read up on this Keven Trudeau character and I realize that he too “is all about the money” just like he claims everyone else is in his book.  His book is very repetitive (and I’m only on chapter three) and the reviews I’ve read about it say he doesn’t actually GIVE you the cures in the book.  However, you can find natural cures or natural remedies all over in books and online resources.  It’s all about the plants and herbs people!  I do still recommend looking into his claims of the FDA and FTC being in the pocket of pharmaceutical companies.  Just sayin’.

Certainty

Growing up, especially those teen years, I had little certainty about things in my life.  As I’ve gotten a bit older I have realized a few:

I’m certain I love my husband and our fur babies.

 

 

 

 

 

I’m certain I love my family, even though we may not be close and some members aggravate me at one time or another.

 

 

 

 

 

I’m not certain I love our house, but I do love our land.

 

 

 

 

 

I’m not exactly sure how or when, but I’m certain herbs (and herbal education) will start to become more of a focus in my life and career.

(http://heavenlypins.com/2012/12/07/herb-garden/)

I have recently realized I am certain about my abilities as a nurse (recent events gave me quite the epiphany.  I am meant to do this job and I know what I’m talking about so don’t doubt me because I no longer will doubt myself).

(http://www.someecards.com/usercards/viewcard/MjAxMi0xZjAxYTU1Y2NmNzlhZTY1)

Struggling with my weight can become an un – certainty.  I don’t need to go up and down any more.  I know that I can lose the weight.  I don’t know yet that I can keep it off, as I have failed to in the past and with family planning coming closer and closer, the certainty that I will gain some back during a pregnancy is 100%.

(http://julyanomsaway.tumblr.com/page/19)

 

The New Year push for healthy has begun.  it actually began before the holidays with ads on TV and in magazines.  I hate to be one of those “new year resolution” people, so I’m not going to be…exactly.  But it is nice to think of it as a fresh start.  Time to detox from cookies and candies and begin anew.  So I’m not here to make resolutions, at least not about weight loss.  It shouldn’t be about a “diet”.  Sure, I have other resolutions (not written down yet of course) for my personal life like — try to clean at least one thing every day so the house doesn’t become a disaster (but to be fair, I’ve been trying to do that for months now); call my mother at least every other week (gasp!  I know some people talk every day with their mothers); skype with my kiddos (and their mothers of course) more; clean and organize my office (this one has been on my spring cleaning and new year resolution lists for three years BTW); just to name a few

As the new year begins, so too does my re commitment to health.  I know I’ve said it before since my departure from the wagon in August, but this time has to be different.  HAS to? you ask.  Why yes, because at work, my coworkers and I are doing our version of the biggest loser.

Weigh in is weekly.  Based on percentage of body weight lost, the biggest loser for the week gets a pass but everyone else has to pay $1.  If you gain weight, you have to pay $2.  So it won’t break the bank to pay in ($8 if you gain every week in a month, $4 if you just aren’t ever the biggest loser) but with 10 people playing you have the chance to win a minimum of $117 (9 people at 1 a week, as the 10th person doesn’t pay).

There are a few more things to update on, but I think I’ll save it for another posts, seeing how my posts have been FEW and FAR between.  Thanks for reading.

 

PS – some of these photos are mine own, obviously, others I found on pinterest and posted the links where they came from.  If I have violated any internet etiquette as far as recognition for pictures go, please let me know because I am *uncertain* of the proper way.  Or if you are my family and don’t want your picture on the interent please let me know and I’ll remove.  Thanks!

It’s Friday and…

Once again I’ve failed to stay on reset for the full two weeks.  After my get together on Friday night I kinda went off track.  I thought I’d get back on after the weekend but I was tempted at work.

I had decided that I’d stick to it on Tuesday only to come into work where there was the best chocolate cake EVER.  It was our manager’s birthday and someone had bought a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting from Wegmans.  If you’ve never been to or heard of Wegmans, it’s a grocery store that originated in my hometown of Canandaigua, NY and has reached as far east as Massachusetts and into the south (I think Virginia, but most definitely Maryland).  Some people in this area are obsessed with going there; it is quite the experience depending on which location you visit.  Personally I never got into the hype of it, but they do have the best cake.  Hands down.

It wasn’t necessarily the cake that was the problem.  That night I realized something had changed with my attitude.  Back when I was completely committed to this lifestyle if I had a slip up, like chocolate cake, I would accept it and move on.  I’d have the one serving but the next thing that passed my lips would be diet friendly.  But Tuesday night I had a different take on things:  I thought, what the hell, I already derailed myself, lets have some bread too.  Two pieces.  With butter.  And these yummy Chinese noodle things.  A lot of them.

I’m not sure what happened to me.  Maybe mercury being in retrograde all summer was a good thing for me.

All kidding aside, I haven’t been able to recapture my vigor for weight loss.  Maybe the tremendous success I had was enough?  (even though it’s really not).  Maybe once I start the exercise again I will get back to loving the P.I.N.K. Method as I once did, though I’m still not happy about the phase 2 exercises being in phase 3.  Once I get past this next week of reset, let the games begin!