Show up

After my fourth shift in a row, I still went to the gym after work.  It was almost 9 at night, and I’d been running my butt off to see all the patients I needed to.  But I had to show up.  I felt like I “phoned it in” while I was walking (and a brief attempt at jogging) but I showed up.  I walked for 30 minutes at a slower speed than I had previously and lifted free weights.  Yeah they are only 5lbs each, but I showed up.  I take victories where I can.  I could have easily driven home but I went, moved my body, and felt good that I did.

 

That was Sunday.

Tuesday I felt I did a great workout.  I did a 5 minute walk then 2 minute jog cycle for 30 minutes, then did the free weights.  I did try out the 8lb weights but ended up going back to the 5lb because I could do more reps.  I’ve read in the past that reps are more important than weight.  I did two sets of each type of lift at 10 reps each, so a total of 20.  I felt great about that work out.

Tonight, Thursday, I phoned it in again.  I only did two cycles of walk/jog then walked for about 15 minutes.  I did my usual lifts with the free weights, two sets each.  I didn’t feel the power like I had on Tuesday, but I showed.

Sometimes that’s all you can manage.

Show up.

Phase 1 workouts

I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again — I’m not a fan of Jenna, the instructor in this phase.  I’m sure she’s a really sweet girl (and looks like she could be related to Cynthia Pasquella) but she makes me want to punch her.

(from P.I.N.K. official website)

Within one minute of the Kardio work out she says “don’t get lazy on me now.”  Bitch please, I’m not lazy.  My damn legs feel like they will split in half during those squats!  Especially the first couple of days.

If you follow the book, kardio in phase one is your first workout of the program.  For women starting their journey with becoming their perfect self or getting towards their perfect weight, we don’t need to hear that.  It’s not to say that at one point in my life I wasn’t lazy–hello, you don’t become 287lbs by working out every day.  But I don’t need to be reminded of the past.  I’ve made a choice to better myself.  I need to be motivated to continue while working out with stiff thighs.  That kind of motivational technique might work on someone who only needs to tone up or only loose a handful of pounds — not someone who needs to lose a whole other person!

Maybe I don’t speak for all girls like me, but I’m pretty sure a lot of you feel the same way.  I don’t need to be put down any more than I [used to] put down myself.  (Side note– my husbands “zen” response to that would be — other people can’t make you feel any certain way).

The stiffness did get better after day 3.  Then over the weekend with my sleep/work schedule I missed 2 workouts.  (which helped the soreness).  I picked right back up Monday morning after work, keeping the promise I made to myself while at work.  However, I will miss another workout tomorrow because [insert excuse here] the cat has a vet appointment at 9 after getting out of work and home at approximately 815, getting back from vet at approximately 10 and having to be back to work by 7– doesn’t leave much time for sleep if I work out.  I need my sleep or I get pretty dumb.  So my plan is to tack on three more days of phase 1 before I start the in-between-phase reset for 4 days.

I still struggle with lunges, especially when my left leg goes behind me.  I have noticed that both legs fatigue faster this time around, but I wonder if it’s because my technique and form have improved.  I’m trying not to get ahead of myself, but I dread phase 2 when the pace picks up and form becomes more important.

All in all, I feel really good.  I noticed last night that I didn’t huff and puff as much when walking up the stairs and getting situated in bed.  As I walked to the computer today, after my workout and PINK smoothie #1 in hand, I felt a little more swagger in my walk — just moving more gracefully and purposefully (and not even on purpose!)  So even though I’m still struggling with stamina in phase 1, I hold on to the fact that I did more than nothing and more than I did on day 1.

My weigh in for this week for biggest loser competition — 262.0.

Oh yeah, that’s what squats feel like

I’m feeling a bit like my husband today.  And not in the strong, manly way.

You see, my husband has a sensitivity issue (sorry honey, but you don’t read this anyway).  Not in the heart/head area (although, he is a sucker for a cute kitty) but in the stomach area.  He can’t eat large amounts of food or be in cold weather too long without having to vomit (anyone know what this is?  I can’t figure that out; I just tell him he has issues).  He also has an copious amount of mucous.  I don’t know where the heck it comes from, but it’s always there (my nephew actually mimicked him this past weekend but I didn’t make a big deal out of it so hopefully he’ll forget what he observed).

Anyway, I feel like him today because during my workout, I could not stop producing mucous.  It kept coming and I had to stop to spit it out several times.  I don’t remember this happening before.  Another thing that I don’t remember happening before is nausea.  I barely got through half of the 20min workout before I felt sick to my stomach.  Between the mucous and nausea, I felt like my husband must feel.

I also can’t figure out why I had such excitement to start the workouts again.  On the agenda today: Phase 1 Kardio and Yoga Core.  My thighs are on fire; I had difficulty going down the stairs after the workout.  And I didn’t even do the whole thing!  (What with all the mucous, nausea, and general heart beating out of chest).  I couldn’t believe how unconditioned I have become.  I had expected to do a little better and have a bit more endurance than I did.  But I guess that is what six months of no vigorous exercise will do do a person.  SIX MONTHS!  I hadn’t realized how long I had gone without until after the workout.  Then it dawned on me –“well duh, of course you feel like shit.  Next thing you know, you won’t be able to sit on the toilet again (like last time) without your thighs screaming at you.”

(I couldn’t find a picture of sore thighs, but I liked this guys expression)

However, as I sit here drinking my PINK shake, writing to you all, I suddenly feel ….. good.  After an initial exhausted feeling, my energy has picked up.  I feel like I can face the rest of the day.  I’m still a bit sore but guess what?  I’m not dead.  I actual feel a bit more alive.

Now I remember why I looked forward to working out.

Starting Phase 3….Finally

Two weeks after I was supposed to start phase 3 I finally did it today.  I think my hold up was completely psychological.  Meaning, I dreaded so badly how hard phase 3 is going to be because of how much I hated phase 2 kardio (upper/lower body workouts weren’t too bad, I actually liked doing them, especially in comparison to the kardio portion) that I kept putting it off.  We got back from vacation on a Saturday (as I described before) and I just could not get back into the swing of things; four days of reset seemed like eternity.  By the end of each day I was making an indulgence.  I still have not done a perfect day of reset since the beginning of the entire program.  On Tuesday I decided that no matter what I ate, I would start phase 3 on Thursday.  It was then I discovered that maybe I was subconsciously sabotaging myself because of my fear and dread of phase 3.

Were my fears realized?  Not really.  On the agenda today was pull muscles (40 min) and lower body mat (15 min).  The way the pull video is styled is very interesting and I already forget the technique they use, but it starts with a t T.  It consists of 20 second intervals of activity followed by 8 seconds of rest, repeated for 8 cycles for each exercise.  They give you three options for the exercise  which I interpret as beginner, intermediate, and expert.  I hope that Kardio is styled like this.  I had fun, worked hard, and really felt like I was getting a good workout.  I also felt that when Basheera said I could go at my own pace, she really meant it because everyone was doing something a little different so they really were going at their own pace.  When Lisa says it in phase 2, they are empty words.  I also felt driven to keep up because everyone was going that fast and sometimes I would get messed up if I tried doing it on my own (excuse?).  I have always loved Basheera’s tone (from the yoga video) but wondered what she would be like in a different setting.  She’s a wonderful instructor and motivator.  She’s funny too!  I love how she interacts with the other girls and what she says to us.  She’s my favorite.  My dream is to one day lose so much weight and get so toned from this program that Cynthia takes notice and uses me for publicity.  In doing so I can meet all the girls.  I have weird dreams like that.  But it’s just one more thing motivating me to reach my goals!

First time…

Today marks the first time I stopped a workout only eight minutes in.  I guess there is a first time for everything.  On today’s docket was phase 2 kardio and phase 2 upper body.  I got through the upper body segment okay, with modifications and a few stops (especially with the one when you’re on the floor and have to do the lift, then add the arm bend.  I forget what it’s called, sorry non-PINK ladies or those of you who haven’t reach phase 2 yet).  That kardio video kills me every time though.  I felt myself not doing the moves right (to a worse degree than usual) and my knees are soooo tight, screaming at me for a break.  So I stopped.  I decided, this time, that a half assed workout wasn’t going to fly today.  My knees just can’t take it.  I keep saying I’m going to slow down the moves but I haven’t yet, I just keep pushing myself.  I’m getting ready for bed, so hopefully when I wake up I will be rearing to give it a go again.  I’m not doing too bad considering that the scale says I lost 35lbs!  For SAG (shits and giggles) I threw a tape measure around my waist and hips yesterday –I’ve lost about another 2 inches.  On each. WOOT WOOT.

I realize I haven’t written much about food and the diet portion of the PINK method.  Besides my surprise downfall with chocolate, I really haven’t told you all my trials and tribulations with food.  My latest craving?  Sushi.  Of all things, that’s not too bad (since it was Chinese take out for about 2 months.  Wait, 3 months!  I guess I’m just a fool for Asian food!  Tonight is a Wegman’s sushi kind of night.  They even have rolls made with brown rice now 🙂

I’ll have to delve into the food more…there are secrets I have yet to reveal.

Holy Crap

So just a quick tidbit because I must go to bed, it’s really late (in my time, which is 10 am, so for you normal people, think of it as 10pm after working 7a-730p, getting home at 8p and doing an hour workout, shower and making/drinking your pink shake).  This morning I did the phase 2 upper body and then phase 2 kardio and I noticed a BIG difference in the ability I had doing the upper body portion.  I didn’t tire as quickly (usually in the warm up I have to stop for a second because my arms already burn so badly).  I was able to do more reps as well.  The kardio segment is still really hard for me to do and lately my knees have been soooooo tight when I lunge or squat or just try to sit down.  My point of this post is to say… holy crap, it actually does get a little easier.  I didn’t think that was possible.  I have one week of phase 2 left, so I am even more frightened for phase 3 kardio!  aaahhhh!

End of week 1 in phase 2

Dear Body,

I have hated you for a very long time.  In fact, how much I loathe you is one of my most prominent memories.  But lately I’ve noticed a change in you; for the better.  Specifically, your arms are looking fantastic.   Yes, there is still some work to be done, but I’ve never seen the muscles so defined.  Ever.  I’ve also noticed that you can move in ways you haven’t before, and your flexibility has really improved.  Your knees seem a little tight when you bend over though, you should really have that looked at.  I’ve come to realize that hating you is pointless, seeing how I will never be rid of you.   We really should be friends.  What’s more, you actually are the most important thing in my life, so I really ought to treat you better.  You deserve it.  You may have some doubts about that; let me reassure you.  I’ll give you a few reasons you should be cherished and appreciated.  First, you are my vehicle.  You carry my essence, my soul, if you will.  If not for you, I would be just a light breeze across someone’s cheek.  You need to be healthy for me to be healthy (selfish, I know).  Second, you’ve been taking a beating for some time now.  The weight has piled on over the years, burdening your poor joints, feet, organs, etc.  You deserve a break if only to not be so rough on yourself.  Since you have worked in industries where you are always on your feet, you deserve a break!  Perhaps the most important reason I can think of is that some day you will carry my children.  They will be precious cargo and you’ll need to be in tip top shape to do that job.  Keep up the good work!  I know some times you want to give up because you get so tired during the workouts, that you some times do the last 30 minutes half assed, but it’s better than nothing, right?  You try your best and I see that now.  I will try not to beat you up about it anymore.  We will work together to get healthy and look the most fantastic you ever have in your life!

Here’s to hoping for many years of friendship!

Love,

Sara

P.S.  I know Cynthia Pasquella made me write this letter, as it is a reflection exercise in the PINK Method book at the end of week one in phase 2, but us being friends is long over due.

Oh to be a Cat

Mari Jayne

What a life a cat has.  They sleep probably half the day, then spend 1/4 lounging, watching birds and the such.  The last 1/4 might be for some active activity and eating.  If I were one of my own cats, I would be loved so much that I could act aloof and still be wanted.  My hair would be brushed/played with, and I would have the best daddy ever who likes to play and cuddle.  Even if I was a little heavy, my mom and dad would love me and ogle me and think I was the cutest thing ever.  Other people might look at me and say, “wow, she is fat, but so cute.”  They would still pet me and like me.  They wouldn’t shun me or make me feel bad about myself.  It wouldn’t matter!  I could lounge around at my owner’s feet all day long, while she killed herself trying to be thin or at least healthy.

That was 2 of my cats today.  I had one on either side of me while trying to do a workout.  It was very difficult to maneuver around them.  That was the least of my troubles.  Kardio in phase 2 is… well.  Try for yourself, you’ll see.  Around minute 8 I needed to stop and take the inserts out of my sneakers.  I realized that sometimes my feet will begin to hurt especially with lunge and squats.  At minute 10 I couldn’t tell if I was crying or not because I was sweating so much and getting really upset.  I sniffed it down, regrouped and pressed on.  For the next ten minutes of the video, I felt like crying multiple times.  Minute 24 = complete and utter breakdown.  I don’t even remember now which moves I was attempting to do, I just got way overwhelmed and starting uncontrollably crying.  Hysterical, hyperventilating, full blown ugly cry.  So I paused the video to sit and cry.  I don’t know how long, but I realized I was not able to breathe very well so I began to take deep breaths and it got better.  I wanted to give up S O B A D.  Instead, I composed myself and carried on.  I knew it was almost done.  I lacklusterly finished the workout, looking forward to the cool down and stretching.  Minute 27 = second full blown hysterics.  This episode was fully equipped with yelling and swearing (that really made no sense.)  “I’m not an asshole!  I can’t do this!  This is supposed to be a warm down, not another fucking workout!”  But imagine it with crying, and sputtering because I could barely get the words out.  A brief thought of,” this is actually quite funny that I’m saying the wrong words” (warm down?) flitted through my brain but I squashed that.  I wanted to feel miserable.  I needed to feel miserable for that moment.  Once that fit was over, I once again halfheartedly finished the stretches, then moved on to the second part of today’s workout –abs.  I was never real good at this video but I was able to do some things better, which I am actually happy about; however, feeling good about anything at that point was impossible.  This is the first time I have felt like saying, Fuck it, and giving up.  I won’t.  But damn, I sure did feel like it.

Now, this may have more to do with my monthly womanly hormonal issues, as I do have troubles with that about a week before the big event, but the video is H A R D.  The progressions are F A S T.  I’m thinking that on my next try I’m going to have to slow it way down to get the form first.  I’m really afraid to hurt my knee because that will be a great excuse.

Phase II Day 1 (well, book says day 26)

Holy.  Shit.

Day one of your phase 2 exercise consists of 25min phase 2 lower body workout and 15min mat lower body off of the bonus dvd.  After working a twelve hour overnight shift, I came home to start my phase 2 exercise, the one I’ve been dreading and with good cause.  When it first started up I thought, “hey, okay, this isn’t so bad.”  But then balance begins.  And hopping.  Yes, hopping.  That doesn’t last too long though, totally doable after a couple tries.  Lisa is actually a pretty good instructor, way better than Jenna (sorry dear).  She informs us that the key to doing it correctly is balancing on the inside of your foot (another revolutionary idea that really improves form and … duh, balance!)  She is also a little more encouraging than Jenna who likes to say “don’t get lazy” which really pisses me off (as I have said before, sorry to repeat myself).  If by the end of phase one your are still frustrated with sequencing and not able to coordinate yourself, I suggested restarting phase 1 like I did in order to get more practice.  That’s just my opinion.  The sequences and progressions on this workout are a bit more involved and one who has issues (yours truly) may need some extra time.  I pushed myself and could feel that my form was not 100% and my knee already feels a bit off, so be careful ladies.  During the rolling kicks (second set where you have to double kick and then pulse the leg up) the obscenities that rolled of my tongue would startle anyone (except my husband, who continued to sleep through my rolling around and swearing).

However, I noticed this time around that even though I became a bit frustrated (and lewd) because of some coordination difficulties, my ability to cope with it has improved.  Maybe I’m just not that young hot-headed girl anymore who gets angry at the drop of a dime (ha!) or maybe it has something to do with endorphins.  As Elle says (and I paraphrase) in defense of her client, exercise releases endorphins, endorphins make you happy, and happy people don’t commit murder.  If you do not know to whom I refer, you must look it up now or never return to my blog!  Just kidding.  But seriously.  Look it up.  What I mean by this is that if you exercise you ultimately feel better in so many ways; physically, mentally, emotionally.  I feel more in touch with myself than ever before and find I have enough confidence to say the things I may not have been able to say in the past.  I feel more capable of voicing my opinions because I feel more confident in them and in my self.  I am better able to stay p o s i t i v e.  I know that even though I had difficulty this time, next time it will be a bit easier.  I know that the instructors tell you that, but until you actually b e l i e v e it yourself, it doesn’t quite sink in.  It has sunk now and I don’t mind that this time around I wasn’t on the ball 100%.  I did the best I could and damn, it feels good!

I realize I sound like one of those posters or billboards for exercise or like some after school special, as my husband would probably say.  It sounds corny and hokey and all those things.  And I might not believe it all the time, but right now it seems so simple a concept to be positive.  Being negative my whole life has really kept me down.  Not believing that I could do this.   Or anything.  Doubting myself and every choice I made.  Or just complaining a l l the t i m e  about anything and everything.  It gets a bit old don’t you think?  I know that I’m done with it.  I told my husband the other day that he needs to let me know when I’m being too negative but instead of saying “stop being negative” we came up with a code word.  I think this will be a nice way to keep myself in check but not want to strangle him for pointing out my indiscretions.

My mother, sister, and brother in law doing a workout at the Delaware beach house in 2010. I believe it was The Firm they are doing. Notice I am the one taking a picture..

Go forth and exercise my children!

It may seem a simple concept to you all, but it was revolutionary to me: use your muscle, not the joint to move!  My aforementioned knee was really beginning to hurt me again. Squats and especially lunges really stress it out. Once I grasped this seemingly simple concept of how to move my body, I became a woman transformed! Suddenly the lunges didn’t tug as hard on my knee as before and the muscle burned even more during the moves. However, it is really hard for me to get perfect form every time, so occasionally, the knee will still tug.  The one complaint I do have about the PINK method is that the progressions in the video are fast. So fast that they make it difficult to have perfect form, which you need to prevent injury. They like to tell you how to have perfect form, but they don’t give you the time. This is one reason I’m glad I restarted the diet after my previous vacation; this time has been used to perfect the form needed for phase 2 and 3, which I’m dreading.

What helped me realize how to move my body was yoga.  Once upon a time, I was a young girl in middle school.  I think it was in eighth grade when my friend and I got this crazy idea in our heads to sign up for the YMCA.  I don’t even know how I paid for it, but I did.  We knew then that we were fat and needed to hit the gym.  We went once.  Maybe twice.  I still had the membership all through high school;  since I was still in school, the price per month wasn’t too terrible.  I went a few times during that period of my life.  Then I started college and they sent me a nice little letter telling me about the price increase since I was no longer in middle school.  I figured I ought to go, so I went a few more times.  Two of those times I went I took the yoga class.  I really enjoyed it.  Even though some of the moves were a little difficult, I felt so relaxed and rejuvenated after.  But it cost an extra $6, therefore those two were the only times I went as I was a college student too busy with not enough cash for that.  I lived directly across from the YMCA for a year and went 3 times.  It wasn’t until I finished college that I became an official “adult” in the eyes of the YMCA.  This time I did not get a letter.  I just got a bank statement which showed the price increase.  That was the end of my eleven year membership that I used a total of maybe 6 times.  I think it was a few years later when I saw a workout video at Big Lots or possibly Wal Mart called “Pilates/Yoga for Any Body.”  I thought to myself, “this is right up my alley.  I did really enjoy those two yoga classes I did.”  I purchased it, took it home, popped it in, and never once took it back out.  I watched a portion of the video first before I tried (big mistake).  I thought that the lady must be on crack if she wants me to do all those moves.  I never got rid of the video though.  Even after moving and periodically trying to purge my home of things I don’t use (like those size 12 pair of jeans,) I held onto it for the “maybe one day” or “when I’m smaller I’ll be able to do that.”

  I’m so glad I did.  I watched the intro again and decided to jump right into the flexibility portion.  I was still due for a workout that morning so I didn’t want to over do it (I was actually not supposed to do any exercise that day, but I was so tired after work the day before I only did half the work out, saving the other half for my “rest” day).  The portion of the DVD was about an hour-long and basically repeats the same progression of moves (with little variations) about 5 times.  She also throws in some Pilates moves, which I love as well (the very few times I tried the Windsor Pilates DVDs my mom has, I’ve enjoyed it).  The instructor is Theresa Borgren who introduces herself in the intro portion.  The way she talks and instructs is very soothing, reassuring, and no-pressure.  She’s the kind of person you want to do well for because she’s just so likeable.  Not that the women of PINK workouts aren’t likable, but they really make me want to hurt them sometimes.  For instance, Jenna likes to say “don’t get lazy on me now!”  Really?  Really Jenna?  It’s not that I WANT to not hold in my abs or keep my shoulders down, it’s just a lot to do all at once and have perfect form and keep up with you!  (Excuse?)  It just really gets my gourd.  Theresa is very soothing.  She says to go into the stretch as much as your body will allow and that is enough.  She reassures you that each time you do the move, or with each deep breath, you can move a little bit deeper into the stretch.  She tells you when to breath in or out all while encouraging you that you can do it.  And I did.  And it was wonderful.  I then did the PINK workout I needed to, showered and got ready to run to the bank.  Then I noticed how awake I felt.  I felt alive.  I felt revitalized.  I had so much energy I cranked the music and sang as loud as I could (which is not really different from most days, but it felt different this day).  When I got back in the car from being in the bank I noticed how much my body was vibrating, like I was in touch with some higher power.  I began to think about why people love and swear by yoga and what it really does for you.  I was a believer years ago but now I have the proof of what heights it can really transcend you to.  All this from one session, not even done to its fullest potential as some moves are quite difficult.  Just imagine when I can do the moves with no issue!  I look forward to my “rest” days so that I can do this video again.  As much as I loved it, it really is a workout and I just don’t have enough time in the mornings when I get out of work to do 3 workouts!  If you’d like to check out Theresa’s video, I found it on Amazon: 

http://www.amazon.com/Pilates-Yoga-Body-Theresa-Borgren/dp/B000A2X5Y6/ref=sr_1_1?s=dvd&ie=UTF8&qid=1339820635&sr=1-1&keywords=Theresa+Borgren

It also looks like she’s got more, I’ll have to check it out.  I hope those of you working out will add this to your repertoire. 

One of the best things about this video is that, even though there is a skinny-minny, ripped lady on the front, Theresa herself is a normal looking woman.  Yes, she has a few imperfections and maybe a little extra coushin here and there, but she can do some crazy ass stuff!