It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that I failed once again to stay on the “diet” wagon or uphold my “new lifestyle.” To make matters worse, I’m pretty sure I’m back up to my original weight from when I started the PINK method last March; I refuse to weight myself right now. Then the nail in the coffin was hammered in by my almost 4 year old nephew who said, “you’re fat.” I was upset, but not at him. As a four year old, he doesn’t have a filter; her reports what he sees: I’m fat. My sister (one of his aunts) said “everyone is different” and I told him that it’s not a nice thing to say to someone. He didn’t understand why I was upset, but knew that I was. Later, he repeated the sentiment saying, “I won’t call you fat again,” and I told him, “that is a very good observation, but it’s not a nice thing to say to someone.” He still didn’t understand because for a third (maybe even fourth time) this conversation took place:
K- Sara?
S-Yes K?
K-Everyone is different right?
S-yes, everyone is different
K-you’re fat and I’m not.
S-yes.
Or something to that affect. This time I didn’t make a big deal about it, I just got my hug and kiss goodbye and left (we were already planning on leaving at that moment).
But I got to thinking about it; he’s not wrong, so why make him apologize? He wasn’t using it in a mean way, he was just making an observation, as children do. Telling him that it’s not a nice thing to say might lead him to use it later in life in a mean way. Why make a negative connotation now early in his life with the word “fat?” We, as adults, impart on those young minds that fat is bad. And while health wise, fat isn’t the best, people can still lead happy, some-what healthy lives. People who are large can still love their bodies, knowing how it works and what looks best on them. It is our negativity that they pick up on. I also got to thinking about how he knows that word. I’m sure he’s heard his mother say it in regards to herself (after baby, because she has never in her life been “fat” in the traditional sense) and maybe about others (me?). That thought led to my decision to stop using the word. At least in speech, obviously, as my blog has “fat” in the name (which I’ve tried thinking of a new name but I have come up empty). I will try, for my children’s sake, to not use it in front of them. If they never know the word then they can’t use it against others as a bad thing. I’m sure once they enter school the game is over, but I can at least not use it at home. Plus, it relates back to the law of attractions–think fat, you get fat. So I need to work on thinking skinny, exercising and eating better.
Today I had egg whites with cheese wrapped in a tortilla for a makeshift breakfast burrito. For lunch I had made a concoction from black beans, pinto beans, olive oil, salt, pepper, garlic powder, onion powder, grape tomatoes, and fresh basil from my herb garden. I put some of it over a bed of lettuce from our veggie garden. I’ve got some chicken in the fridge marinating in olive oil, fresh basil and oregano, and some garlic for dinner and lunches for work this week, as well as some tri tip steak (with fresh sage and salt). While these are recipes from a health book, I know that the ingredients are healthful and that’s all I’m going for at this point. No program (yet) just trying to make better decisions.
The next time my nephew sees me, I don’t want him to make the same observation.
fatgirlsonlyblog 