It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that I failed once again to stay on the “diet” wagon or uphold my “new lifestyle.”  To make matters worse, I’m pretty sure I’m back up to my original weight from when I started the PINK method last March; I refuse to weight myself right now.  Then the nail in the coffin was hammered in by my almost 4 year old nephew who said, “you’re fat.”  I was upset, but not at him.  As a four year old, he doesn’t have a filter; her reports what he sees: I’m fat.  My sister (one of his aunts) said “everyone is different” and I told him that it’s not a nice thing to say to someone.  He didn’t understand why I was upset, but knew that I was.  Later, he repeated the sentiment saying, “I won’t call you fat again,” and I told him, “that is a very good observation, but it’s not a nice thing to say to someone.”  He still didn’t understand because for a third (maybe even fourth time) this conversation took place:

K- Sara?

S-Yes K?

K-Everyone is different right?

S-yes, everyone is different

K-you’re fat and I’m not.


Or something to that affect.  This time I didn’t make a big deal about it, I just got my hug and kiss goodbye and left (we were already planning on leaving at that moment).

But I got to thinking about it; he’s not wrong, so why make him apologize?  He wasn’t using it in a mean way, he was just making an observation, as children do.  Telling him that it’s not a nice thing to say might lead him to use it later in life in a mean way.  Why make a negative connotation now early in his life with the word “fat?”  We, as adults, impart on those young minds that fat is bad.  And while health wise, fat isn’t the best, people can still lead happy, some-what healthy lives.  People who are large can still love their bodies, knowing how it works and what looks best on them.  It is our negativity that they pick up on.  I also got to thinking about how he knows that word.  I’m sure he’s heard his mother  say it in regards to herself (after baby, because she has never in her life been “fat” in the traditional sense) and maybe about others (me?).  That thought led to my decision to stop using the word.  At least in speech, obviously, as my blog has “fat” in the name (which I’ve tried thinking of a new name but I have come up empty).  I will try, for my children’s sake, to not use it in front of them.  If they never know the word then they can’t use it against others as a bad thing.  I’m sure once they enter school the game is over, but I can at least not use it at home.  Plus, it relates back to the law of attractions–think fat, you get fat.  So I need to work on thinking skinny, exercising and eating better.

Today I had egg whites with cheese wrapped in a tortilla for a makeshift breakfast burrito.  For lunch I had made a concoction from black beans, pinto beans, olive oil, salt, pepper, garlic powder, onion powder, grape tomatoes, and fresh basil from my herb garden.  I put some of it over a bed of lettuce from our veggie garden.  I’ve got some chicken in the fridge marinating in olive oil, fresh basil and oregano, and some garlic for dinner and lunches for work this week, as well as some tri tip steak (with fresh sage and salt).  While these are recipes from a health book, I know that the ingredients are healthful and that’s all I’m going for at this point.  No program (yet) just trying to make better decisions.

The next time my nephew sees me, I don’t want him to make the same observation.


Reset Day 7

I made it through a week!!  Sorta.  Last night my husband and I watched about two minutes of Man vs. Food where Adam Richman had to eat about 5 different cuts of meat.  Then we both wanted a nice steak even after finishing our salads only an hour before.  Going out to dinner isn’t so bad in and of itself.  Especially these days, there are plenty of options for people who try to eat healthy.  The PINK method book actually makes allowances for eating out (one of the suggested meals is a dinner out 4 oz steak and vegetables).

We went out to Longhorn Steakhouse (my fav) and ordered the 6oz sirloin with green beans.  I gave in and had 2 pieces of bread because their bread is sooooo yummy and fresh all the time.  We also shared a dessert.

Yup, my only sweet for the week (and carb), besides my morning shake (and the dried fruit I had).  Luckily it was a small portion and my husband had most of it.  I think.  I hope.

One thing I did differently this time around was chew my food.  I usually pretty much inhale food and I felt myself starting to do that so I slowed myself down and started counting chews.  The green beans pretty much disintegrated before 30 chews but I tried to make it last.  The meat, of course, lasted well past 30 I lost count.  (And this says a lot about how meat is digested and blah blah vegetarianism, blah blah, I know).  Later, after my husband went to sleep I watched my taped episode of Project Runway and had three thin mint cookies that I stashed away in the freezer.  I had already planned on eating some of those after dinner so even though we had a dessert I couldn’t keep my mind off of them.  They seemed like a good midnight snack.

The food was yummy and I don’t regret eating it, even the desserts.  However, I do wish I had curbed myself a little bit because I have a lunch date planned with a friend.  I have never eaten at Red Robin and we planned this awhile back.  I had wanted to have an exemplary week in order to indulge a little bit today.  My original plan was to eat about half of the burger normally then just eat the meat out of it, leaving the bun.  I will most definitely eat all the fries though!  No dessert.

My stats this week:

weight lost — 7 lbs

It sounds superb and I will take my victories were I can but I know plenty of work lies ahead.  It’s a nice jump start to the real work and that is what PINK method reset phase prepares you for.  However, because of my high start weight, I need to stay on reset for 14 days.  woo hoo.

Reset day… what day is it now??

It feels like weeks.  My life revolves around food and not in the Andrew Zimmerman or Adam Richman kind of way (travel channel anyone?)  I wake up thinking about what I need to pack for lunch or what I need to cook for the next couple of days for meals.  I turn on the TV (mistake number one) to see people eating pizza and burgers and cookies and cake… knowing that I can’t have any of that right now.  It’s a lot of work and I’m lazy dammit!  Hello, that’s how I got this way in the first place.  Not enough activity and opting for the convenience of ready made meals.  Not necessarily fast food; I have actually been pretty good about that, especially the past few years.

Once again, my night went well.  However, I once again had a little sugar.  This time in the form of raisins.  I had forgotten to pack my almonds so I bought peanuts and a trail mix from the vending machine.  I don’t think that the few raisins in the trail mix will break the bank in terms of how much sugar they added to my intake.  I figure it probably equals about one or two more strawberries in my shake; I don’t see it as a huge deal, especially because of the small amount.  For lunch I had salmon again (the PINK method book suggested red snapper, but I couldn’t find any at the grocery stores I went to) and what was supposed to be a ceasar salad.  I don’t have lite ceasar dressing I used my lite raspberry walnut instead (so yummy).  I was able to leave work a little early (long story for another day–or another blog altogether about the ins and out of nursing) so when I came home, I finished the “ceasar” salad I didn’t finish at work, another salad with ham (technically the PINK method called it an antipasto plate – ham, roasted red pepper, tomato, and lettuce.  It also calls for onion but I cut those out.)  Also, instead of the 2 slices of ham, I had 3.  My logic went as such — there were three slices left.  If I only had two there would be one left (you didn’t know you were getting math lesson did you?!).  One slice would not be a serving size for me or my husband and I won’t eat ham again probably until next week and I didn’t want to waste it!  Like that?  That’s fat logic for you.

For tonight, I am a little worried again.  Instead of going in to work I was put on call, which is wonderful in terms of getting stuff done on my day off tomorrow, but leaves me at home with the food.  I’m going to try to employ the same tactics here at home as I do at work–drink at least a glass of water an hour, snack around 9, lunch around 1, then I’ll just go to bed (if I haven’t been called in).  I am watching TV which is probably a mistake but I just can’t get enough of “Love it or List it” on HGTV.  Wish me luck.

I’d also like to say Hi to all my new followers!  I haven’t had time to check out your blogs but maybe tonight I will have the time.  Thanks for reading 🙂